The Courage to Suffer: A New Clinical Framework for Life's Greatest Crises by Daryl R. Van Tongeren

Author:Daryl R. Van Tongeren
Language: eng
Format: azw3, mobi, epub
Publisher: Templeton Press
Published: 2020-11-13T06:00:00+00:00

Revising Beliefs

Deconstruction highlighted the discrepancy between one’s beliefs and experiences, which is why that phase is so distressing. To reduce that distress, the client must adopt new beliefs that align with reality.

Belief revision is a broad term, but two primary changes occur in the season of reconstruction: a change in the content of their beliefs, and a change in the style of their beliefs.

Most basically, your clients may change what they believe—the content—and this often focuses on the three domains of self, others, and the world (recall from Chapter 3). Wholesale changes are not necessarily common, though they do happen. More likely, your clients will make some degree of alteration to their existing way of viewing the world that more closely aligns with their experiences.

Regarding beliefs about the self, perhaps your clients once viewed themselves as helpless or weak, and through suffering found new levels of empowerment and strength that they could not comprehend when the suffering began. Conversely, some clients may have held tightly to the need to control, and through their pain they have surrendered this desire and replaced it with mindful acceptance. Many people—both clients in therapy offices and research participants in studies of posttraumatic growth47 —report being stronger or more resilient than they thought. It is your role to attend to these changes and help your clients connect these new beliefs to their sense of identity, while affirming the worth of their new identity. Joanna, for example, was unable to reconstruct an identity centered on loving her son until she was at a place of acceptance and had challenged her beliefs that no longer were adaptive.

Regarding beliefs about others, while suffering can cause clients to turn away from others or become anxious about the relationships they do have, existential reminders elicited by suffering may evoke a desire to improve their close relationships. Researchers have found that after being reminded of death, people were more likely to offer forgiveness to those with whom they had a close and committed relationship.48 This positive effect of death comes from increases in empathy: When people think of dying, they begin to feel more empathic toward those who hurt them. A recent systematic review of seventy-three studies conducted over two decades revealed that when people are reminded of death, they become more committed to their close relationships, view their romantic partners more positively, and seek to be more intimate with their partner.49 Suffering has a way of cutting through the relational drama that does not matter. Joanna was able to reform her views of what was important to her. Her priorities shifted to focus less on work and more on her connection with her son, her parents, and her close friends.

Regarding beliefs about the world, your clients may jettison a belief in a just world, no longer adhering to the notion that life is fair, that hard work pays off, and that people get what they deserve. Instead, they may acknowledge the randomness in life and attempt to find a deeper connection to nature or the cosmos.

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